The Mother of All Stupid Questions

  

  
How to Answer the Mother of All Stupid Questions After Your Baby is Born

It is so nice to see how many people truly care about your health and well-being and of course, the baby’s health and well-being, after he or she is born. However, it is extremely frustrating to be bombarded by stupid and/or personal questions by people you hardly know. 

As my baby grows and I am forced to still answer the same questions over and over, I decided to have a little fun with my answers. 
The Mother of all Stupid Questions: Is she a good baby?

The first time I was asked this question I did not know how to respond. My first thought, which I didn’t utter, was how can a baby be bad? Thinking back, I wish I did say that, but now that I am have heard that question asked twenty times, I am no longer that naive. I know what is meant by that question. Does she sleep well? Is she colicky? Are you having a difficult time adjusting to motherhood?

At first I would answer simply and say something about how she is pretty easy going and only cries to be fed. Or, I would mention how many times she woke up during the previous night. But now that she is eleven-weeks old, I am just sick of hearing this vague question. Since those that know me well will take the time to ask me specific questions such as “Is she eating well?” or “Have you had much sleep?” I have come to a few conclusions on why other mothers will ask this question. Either A) You really do not care and are making small talk, B) You need a segue into discussing your child at this age, or C) You want to see my battle strategy for mommy wars.

If it is A, I appreciate the effort. If it is B, I really don’t care. I would have asked if I wanted to compare notes. And if it is C, consider me Switzerland as I do not wish to engage in any type of “who did it better” with you. I know the kind of mother I want to be and I know the kind of person I would like my baby to be. But I am not an idiot. I know I am not perfect and my baby will be who she was meant to be. I will try my hardest to raise her happy and healthy. I will fail and I will try again. I will do what I feel is best and maybe it is the best, but maybe it isn’t. I will ask for advice from those I know, participate in forums and read blogs, taking everything that I hear and read with a grain of salt. I will listen to unsolicited advice and nod my head rather than disagree because who knows, someday I might get a great tip. 

But sometimes, even the best of us will find that our patience has run thin. So the next time I am asked the mother of all stupid questions, I will go with one of the following ten responses. 

Question: Is she a good baby?

Answer 1: Well, she hasn’t tried to murder me in my sleep just yet so I guess so. 

Answer 2: No, she’s horrible. Did you know that babies cry for no reason sometimes?

Answer 3: Yes. She has such a kind soul. Last weekend she skipped the Taylor Swift concert to build a house for habitat for humanity. 

Answer 4: No. She throws up and poops and ruins all her clothes. I’m on my third bottle of Shout. 

Answer 5: Yes. She is an angel and whispers sweet nothings in my ear when I hold her. 

Answer 6: No. She is an awful baby. She cries if I don’t feed her every two hours. I have a life, you know!

Answer 7: Yes. She vacuumed the house for me while I took a nap. My husband doesn’t even do that and I’ve known him longer.

Answer 8: No. She doesn’t let me sleep, I haven’t showered in three days and I can’t remember the last time I was able to watch even one half hour television show. 

Answer 9: Yes. (It does answer the question!)

Answer 10: (raising eyebrows, giving the look, and walking away)

Next time I am asked the mother of all stupid questions I will take a deep breath before I respond. It might be one of those days when my patience has been exhausted and I’m wearing, as my husband likes to say, my sassy pants, and I will answer with one of the amusing quips listed above. Or maybe I will just smile and blurt out her latest sleep habits to appease the person asking the question. I guess I will just wait and see.

 

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