Sorry, but I will not support your gofundme. 

Big giant sigh. 

I’m really not an asshole. At least, I try not to be. I don’t want to raise little assholes so I make my 18-month old clean up her messes (every macaroni elbow off the floor, her books, etc.), I drive MUCH better and try not to judge or say judge mental things about others. 

But there’s one thing that’s just got my underthings all twisty and I just can’t anymore. 

I mean I understand the purpose of gofundme. Life is tough. Things happen that you just don’t anticipate. Tragedy strikes. And you may end up the position of needing help. I understand.

But let’s put on our big girl panties and our big boy boxers. And be realistic.

You will die. Your parents will die. Your kids will die.

Everyone you know will die.

Death comes to us all and it comes in many different ways. It’s horrible and it’s awful and as much as we wish it wouldn’t happen to our loved ones, it does. And we can’t change it. This weekend would have been my mothers 57th birthday. She only made it to 41. Incredibly healthy,  no one expected a cancer diagnosis at age 39. It was just a bad headache. But the tests showed that it was the worst type of brain tumor. She was told that the tumor will kill her and that even if operated on, it will never stop growing. 

In just under two years she had four brain surgeries, each one taking away a part of who she was. Loss of peripheral vision, paralysis, inability to speak or care for herself. It was bad. She didn’t quite make it to two years but she made it past the doctor’s expectations. 

I was out shopping when she died. I was 17 years old. Just that morning I had given her an early Mother’s Day present. You just feel that it was close. A cousin and my brother had driven a couple hours to pick up my sister from college and bring her home because we just knew. After school I had gone with a friend to the mall and then went to a wholesale club to do some household grocery shopping. I was doing the cooking, cleaning, writing the checks to pay the bills, etc., when my mom was no longer able to and we needed all those essentials, so i went. I was met on the front walkway by my dad who said these two little words to me; ‘she’s gone.’

It sucks. Whether you know it’s coming, or it is sudden, death sucks. 

We. Can’t. Change. It. 

But what can we do? We can make sure that we are prepared. Make sure that we don’t have our heads stuck up our asses. 

What did my husband and I do right after our first baby  was born? We got life insurance policies for each of us. We also signed her up for one of those grow up plans so she doesn’t have to worry about not qualifying for life insurance as an adult. We set up a college fund and a bank account. All within a few months of her birth. 

And when our twins were born, we did the same for them. 

We are in the processing of getting or legal paperwork completed (wills, power of attorney, etc) and we have already discussed prepaying our funeral expenses once we have a little more saved. God forbid, if someone in my family dies, we are prepared. 

If someone in my family dies, god forbid, we are prepared. 

Now you can take a deep breath. This means that you don’t have to raise money for us should tragedy strike. Our children will not be left without a home should one of us die. They will not be burdened by our funeral expenses. Our cars won’t be repossessed, and Christmas won’t be canceled. They will grow up with their own life insurance policies and have money for college when the time comes. 

Is all of this morbid? Yeah, maybe.

But it’s f*cking smart. 

We do without many things because we spend $200 or so a month PREPARING FOR THE UNKNOWN. 

Because we don’t want a tragedy in our family to be a burden on someone else’s. 

If you can afford cable, or a new iPhone, or going out to dinner every week, then you can afford to be smart. And be prepared. 

So no, I will not support that gofundme page. And not just on principle. Because I’m spending my money to support my own family. 

Does that make me an asshole? Maybe.

But when I do manage to scrape together some money, I will support causes that are close to my heart, such as organizations that promote cancer research, and the March of Dimes so that all babies have a chance. And I will teach my children to always be prepared for whatever may happen. 

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